oh, how hateful

that frustrated feeling you get when people claim to have “studied” the Heian era, and don’t realise that there was twelve year’s difference between Sei Shounagon* and Murasaki Shikibu, and not only that, they weren’t at Court at the same time.

Shounagon-oneesama was there from 993 to 1001. She left when Empress Teishi passed away.

Michinaga (That Shitehawk) got Murasaki to join Shoushi’s* court in 1005 as a companion-cum-tutor to the Empress. She retired from Court with Shoushi in 1011.

Describing them as rivals in warring salons is just…it didn’t happen, okay? Teishi’s salon collapsed upon her death, understandably, and Shoushi’s didn’t really come to any sort of prominence before Murasaki joined. (And even with Murasaki in it, Shoushi’s salon was known to be a little too formal and proper; without Murasaki, one thinks it would have hardly been remarkable at all. Also, the intersection of time when Teishi was still alive and Shoushi was second Empress wasn’t even two years; I’m inclined to think there wasn’t enough time for Shoushi’s salon to establish itself as a “rival” to Teishi’s in the slightest. And that was BEFORE Murasaki arrived and did the hard carry!)

Now, I’m not saying that Murasaki didn’t know of Shounagon, or at the very least, had read her Pillow Book — that can be surmised from her little passage in her diary (which has the distinctive whiff of jealousy about it…and I say that because it sounds exactly like something I would write about someone I’m jealous of; I wasn’t kidding when I said that Murasaki and I were too similar for me to truly like her). But they probably never met face-to-face even once.

* sorry for the ‘ou’ instead of the far more common ō; it’s just a (probably bad?) habit. for some reason I use a semi-bastardised version of wapuro and Nihon-shiki romanisations. with the odd bit of Kunrei-shiki thrown in for particle romanisations. sod it, I’m presenting the Kirin-shiki to the Naikaku one day. (no, I am not.)

a long hard lonely spring

sick in bed. I have no idea what’s wrong with me, but frankly, I’m kind of glad to get it out of the way with before summer semester starts. and the weather’s gone back to miserable, too, so…no loss.

…I miss the sun. two days is not enough. 🙁


“You are what you are.
The things that make you different…that make you special. They might trouble them.
If they don’t like you because you’re different…then they’re not the one.
If they can’t like you for what you are, they aren’t the ‘person just for you’.”

favourite things, etc

nicknames as of now, not counting personal one-person-only ones.

Toki (Todd, Kirryn…T is a genius)
K-Pop (my mostly-idiotic-and-stoned brother made this up, which shocked me: it is adorable)

40 things.

5 things i like to wear:
skinny jeans
silver jewellery
cute tees
Converse high
lightweight hoodies

5 colours:
seaside blue
lavender that smells like strawberries

5 bands:
manic street preachers
the moody blues
bump of chicken

5 composers:
mitsuda yasunori
sakamoto ryuichi
keiko matsui
frederic chopin

5 singers:
vienna teng
david bowie
ZARD/sakai izumi
wada kouji

5 things i like to eat:
chocolate chip cookies
buttermilk pancakes
sweet milky bread

5 things i like to drink:
chocolate milk tea (no pearls or ice)
sonic screwdrivers (vodka+orange soda)
pink lemonade
milky choco-coffee

5 things i like to hear:
music I love, that speaks to me, especially on the radio
overheard snippets of japanese/korean
that the aus dollar is at (or close to) parity
the moment the world wakes up
that my writing has made someone happy

5 scents:
ocean breezes
lantana in the evenings
cherry blossom candles
japanese books
cedar incense

50 useless things about me.

Continue reading “favourite things, etc”

dreams will not guide you home

dear lord, is it ever going to stop raining? I miss the sun.

in other news, my subconscious is on crack and I don’t know why. night after night after night, weirdest dreams I’ve had since being on Xanax (which is known to cause very vivid dreams). it wouldn’t be bad if they were…I’m not sure, nice or entertaining? but they’re just weird and sometimes vaguely uncomfortable. like looking into a slice of a universe gone completely mad.

words of conviction

“Crowley … was an egomaniacal fuckface pervert, so fuck him.”

ha! that’s so great.

in other news, I’ve managed to get the Insta username I wanted deleted from the platform forever in that paranoia-fit I flew into a week or so ago, so…that’s a thing. an annoying thing.

not that I was ever much of an Insta user, anyway. I don’t really take photos of anything overly interesting and I don’t have much money for travel, so.

quiet disappointments

I found a ‘cast list’ that I meant to put on this blog (some incarnation of it, anyway) and one of the names on the list was ‘Geek Boy’…I wanted to tear up but I just felt sad instead.

sad because I thought he was really my friend, and I miss our friendship, but said friendship wasn’t even real because I was never a person to him, I was the shape of a girl shoved into a template he wanted me to be like.
so I suppose I’m missing nothing at all, and wasting time that could be spent on something. anything.

I should be working on SeptCity;
I should be playing Chrono Trigger;
I should be reading La Belle Sauvage or The World of the Shining Prince;
I should be sleeping;
maybe anything but this.

my skin is awful at the moment, but it’s nearly that time, so maybe that’s to be expected. I still hate it being like this. and the sinus migraine won’t go away; doesn’t even bow to codeine. hm. maybe a sleeper will kill it a little.

…she says, knowing full well that any time within the next 48hrs she’s going to get hit by a blinder due to hormones moving, and such.

I should probably make a zuihitsu entry, but I can’t put my feelings in a straight line right now
I know it’s just PMDD talking, but the knowing does not make anything better.